Why I’m a Believer: Carrie’s Story

Carrie

When posting my “Why I’m a Believer” story, I invited others to share their stories and have enjoyed the opportunity to learn about how God has worked in the lives of people around me. Last week, I shared David’s story and today it is Carrie’s.

Carrie’s story:

The version of perfection I interpreted from my home and spiritual community growing up was one that had me whiplashed between believing I was either the best or worst person ever. By high school, I was fully convinced I could walk a road of obedience to God; and as I grew older, when obedience didn’t seem to cut it, I depended on my activism and radical sacrifices to learn the ways of love and holiness — at least as far as I understood those God-vast concepts.

It wasn’t until my husband and I adopted our second son that I fell limping beneath my own failure. Through good performance, I had hoped to love our son well, but as he writhed against my version of affection, I realized my affection was only skin-deep. While I wanted to love, our relationship filled me with anger and, most of all, shame. I cried out to God, confessing I didn’t have anything to give: I was completely empty and naked. It seemed as though my activism would doom my son to a life of more brokenness instead of rescue and love. The Spirit of God showed me the cross of Jesus with new eyes, and I saw it was a cross I needed — a cross where God of the Universe stepped into human skin to pay the cost of my inadequacy.

The compassion I had tried to squeeze out through my limited nature could now flow through the vast source of the resurrected Jesus. And then to my surprise, I learned that His gracious reaching toward me gives God of the Universe great joy! That is the hook that draws me to Him: God not only says I’m free from shame, but that I am created for love and beauty, without any duty but to believe in Emmanuel — God who is with me.

What’s your story?

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